IF THIS LANDED WITH YOU TODAY, TAKE A MOMENT AND ASK YOURSELF… WHERE IN YOUR WORLD HAVE PEOPLE STARTED TO HOLD BACK AROUND YOU, AND WHAT MIGHT THEY BE FEELING THAT YOU HAVEN’T STOPPED TO SEE YET?
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I was working with a CEO who, on paper, looked like the kind of leader everyone says they want… sharp, fast, committed, the one who catches things others miss, the one who cares enough to react when something feels off, and if you asked them, they would tell you they just hold a high bar and expect people to meet it, nothing more, nothing less.
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There was this strange, almost invisible tension in the room when we first started the leadership academy. Everyone on the CEO's team would work hard to rehearse what they were going to say before speaking, soften their words, second guess themselves mid sentence, and sometimes they would just decide it was easier to stay quiet and figure things out alone rather than risk getting it wrong out loud.
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They thought the issue was lack of ownership, lack of urgency, people not thinking things through, which only made their reactions quicker and a little more charged each time. We ended up with a loop… they react, the team gets frustrated, performance dips, they react more, and around we go.
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The moment that cracked everything open was when they gave feedback to someone on their team and instead of engaging, the person just nodded, shut down, and checked out of the conversation right in front of them, and later that same employee said to someone else, “I never know which version of them I’m going to get." That, of course, cracked the door wide open to the real conversation that needed to be had.
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So we got to work, and we started with the T for Tame right from my Executive Lion Tamer® TAME Program. We slowed things down enough to actually see what was happening underneath the reaction. The destructive behavior showed up when they felt dismissed, when something important seemed to be slipping, when control started to wobble. Once they could catch these things in real time, even just a second earlier than before, the reaction didn't have the same negative impact.
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From there we moved into the Articulate Phase. So many times our brain is stil in react mode so we can't articulate what we need and want to say. What I kept seeing was emotion coming through loud and clear while expectations remained fuzzy, so the team kept missing the crucial things, which meant the leader stayed frustrated, which meant the cycle kept feeding itself. Once we cleaned up what actually mattered, and got people to articulate what they needed, they figured out what done looks like and what needs to happen next. People finally had something solid to move toward instead of guessing their way through landmines.
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Then we moved into the Motivate Phase to start changing the energy. We needed to make sure everyone's currency was clear - what did they care about, and just as importantly, what did they hate? How are they motivated? These are all part of their user instructions, if you will. Before this, people were working to avoid conflict and reactions that made them feel uneasy. After this, they spoke up more, asked better questions, and brought ideas back into the room. The tension that had been sitting there finally started to loosen.
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The Expand Influence and Relationships Phase came next. For this particular leader, it helped him loosen his grip, start asking more and assuming less and allowing people to think instead of stepping in too early to give them the answer. This felt uncomfortable at first and then surprisingly freeing once he saw how his team responded.
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We worked through all of this in the leadership lab via the academy which meant they saw it real time later in their meetings, while giving and receiving feedback, and when redoing interactions that trigger old reactions. It soon became very clear that awareness without action changes nothing.
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A few weeks later, someone on their team said something simple to the CEO in one of our leadership academies that warmed my heart, “It feels different talking to you now. Thank you for changing how we all show up." With that, it was clear the culture shift had truly begun.
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So if you’re reading this and you know you care deeply, you move fast, you hold a high bar, and at the same time you’ve started to notice people pulling back, choosing their words more carefully, or going quiet when they normally wouldn’t, this might be worth looking at from the other side of the table, because what you intend and what people experience can be different.
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If this hits somewhere real for you, reach out, I’ll walk you through what’s actually happening in those moments and how to shift it without losing your edge.
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🧠 Coaching That Doesn’t Just Inform—It Awakens
Ever wonder what it actually feels like to work with me?
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The Lunar Book is packed with leadership lessons from many voices – a diverse collection of insights and experiences that’ll inspire and elevate your journey. 🌙
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Here’s a fun fact: You CAN find the perfect fit for your team every time with The Predictive Index. Tap the image below to find out more!
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About Carol:
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The Lion Tamer's Court, 16312 Highgate Drive, Riverside, CA 92503
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